Question
How is bullying defined, what are the different types of bullies, and what are the typical traits of a bully in an older adult?
Answer
Definition
The textbook definition comes to us from our federal government, and interestingly enough, it is the same definition that we use for our adolescents. Three core elements define it. First, there is unwanted aggressive behavior. Second, there is an observed or perceived power imbalance or a power differential. And then there's a repetition of behaviors or a high likelihood of repetition.
Types of Bullies
Generally speaking, there are five types of bullies. Those include the: Narcissistic bully, Impulsive bully, physical bully, verbal bully, and the secondary bully.
Narcissistic bullies are self-centered and have a need for power and control. They don't share empathy with others. But, the thing that really defines this type of bully is that they plan their bullying; they think it through (who is it going to be, when, how can I do it without getting caught).
The next person we do see quite a bit is the impulsive bully. This person is spontaneous, and they don't plan. So even if there might be consequences related to their behavior, they have a hard time restraining bullying behaviors. They see an opportunity, take it, and do their bullying.
Physical bully is pushing, pinching, biting, punching, and hair pulling, for example.
Verbal includes name-calling, teasing, insults, taunts, threats, and sarcasm. Maybe it's pointed jokes at a specific individual, their disability, how they walk, and how they speak. For example, "Ah, you don't even know what you're talking about; everybody knows you're crazy."
Lastly, there's the secondary bully. The secondary bully doesn't initiate the bullying behavior, but they join in so they don't become a target down the road. It becomes this survival of the fittest. They may feel bad about what they're doing, but they're more concerned about protecting themselves and becoming part of the clique so that they are not bullied down the road.
Typical Traits of Individuals Who Bully
Bullies are more likely to use power and control strategies at the expense of others
Typical traits of individuals who bully include the following:
- Lacks empathy
- Has few friends
- “Needs” power and control
- Struggles with individual differences
- Uses power and control at the expense of others
- Suffers from low self-esteem
- Empowered by causing conflict or making others feel threatened, fearful, and hurt
The biggest thing is that they have this underlying need for power and control, and what they do achieves that aim, achieves that goal. If you think about it, everybody wants to be in charge of their situation. We want to be in control of our situation, but most of our seniors would accomplish that in ways that don't negatively impact other people.
In contrast, a bully uses that power and uses control strategies at the expense of others. They find it positively reinforcing, if you will, to make other individuals feel threatened, fearful, and hurt. They are empowered by contributing to the conflict between people. Those tendencies are further complicated because they have difficulty tolerating individual differences (not just race, gender or identity) The differences could be hair color, dressing, or walking differently. They have few friends, and they lack empathy.
For more information on bullying in older adults and interventions, please check out our course titled: Bullying Among Older Adults: Not Just a Playground Problem by Kathleen D. Weissberg, OTD, OTR/L, CMDCP, CDP, CFPS
